You spent months—or years?—saving enough money to spend a season in the mountains. You secured the elusive ski resort job and the even more elusive ski resort accommodations. You’ve got your gear. You’ve got your crew. You’re ready for the best season ever.
Now don’t screw it up.
The vast majority of seasonnaires leave in the springtime, a smile pasted on their face and a snowball-shaped hole in their heart. But without fail, every season there are a few who mess it up for themselves. They’re easy to identify—they’re the ones muttering “could’ve, would’ve, should’ve” under their breaths as they board the plane back home. Here’s how you can join that party.
Break a Bone
The cardinal ski resort sin, breaking a bone is a sure way to ruin the season. The earlier you break the bone, the worse you’ve ruined the season—a broken femur on opening day is as bad as it gets. On the plus side, you probably broke it in a really cool way, making for an awesome story. On the down side, you get to sit at home playing Xbox while your buddies are out shredding day after day.
Party Too Hard
Partying too hard in a ski resort town—is there such thing? In short, yes. If you’re partying so hard that you sleep through first chair on a powder day, you’ve crossed the line. If you wake up with a bear in your bed, you’ve crossed the line. If you head home in a body bag, you’ve definitely crossed the line (yep, this happens).
Run Out of Money
Being the guy who buys everyone rounds of shots seemed like such a good idea back in November. So did dropping your cash assembling the perfect quiver—a pow board, a rock board, a park board… but now you’re broke, and as you’ll soon find out, you can’t pay rent in snowboards. Congratulations, you’ve ruined your season—hope you saved enough for the flight home!
Get Booted
If you’ve ever been fired or evicted in a ski resort town mid-season, you know you’re pretty well screwed. Ideally, you’ve made enough friends to have your choice of couches to crash on—otherwise, it’s going to be a long, cold season. Getting booted from your home or job is bad, but there’s one kind of booting that is worse than the others…
Get Banned From the Mountain
Getting booted from the mountain is pretty much the biggest way to ruin your season. Having your pass revoked is akin to getting a lobotomy. Hopefully, you’re well-versed in backcountry, otherwise you’ll be spending a lot of time playing Xbox with the guy who broke his femur on opening day.
Destroy Your Friendships
You came here with your best buddy on earth, only now he’s not talking to you because you stole his girlfriend/ate all the cereal/borrowed his ski poles and lost them. Whatever it is you did, patch it up. A ski season only lasts a few months—don’t ruin friendships that last a lifetime. And don’t forget to call your mom every so often.
