When you’re heading off for a ski vacation in the mountains, you’re bound to come into contact with varying degrees of locals*.
*The definition of local is a hotly debated topic that will be saved for another time.
Locals will check you into your hotel, tune your skis, pour your beer, and mend your sprained wrist. Get on their good side, and locals will also show you some sweet powder stashes, advise you on what activities are tourist traps, and let you in on the best place in town to grab a breakfast burrito.
And if you get on their bad side? Well, you’ll have to wait and see what that’s like. Here are 6 easy ways to piss off a mountain town local. (Warning: we are not responsible for the consequences of doing the following).
Don’t Tip
Money can’t buy you happiness: that’s the message you want to send to your server/bartender/cab driver/etc. Forget the fact that they’re overeducated and underpaid: they didn’t move to the mountains to make money. So after you’ve enjoyed a multi-course meal, asked for every modification humanly possible, and imbibed in custom-created cocktails, put a big fat zero on that tip line. Sign on the dotted line, give your server a thumb’s up for the great service, and go on your merry way.
Be a Know-It-All
You spent your lunch break scouring TripAdvisor and brushing up on your Wikipedia knowledge. Don’t let those facts go to waste. That guy you’re sharing the gondola with—the one who was born and raised in this very mountain town—doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Correct him about anything and everything, ranging from what time the mountain opens at to where they put the moguls in the summertime.
Be Condescending
“Aren’t your parents disappointed in you?” is a perfectly acceptable opener when talking with a mountain town local. Mountain town locals don’t make as much money as you, their house isn’t as pretty as yours, and their job title is totally lame (they probably don’t even have a business card). Assert your superiority, and don’t hide your smugness.
One Up Them
One of the best ways to piss off a mountain town local is to pull out the old bait-and-switch. Start conversing with them as though you actually care about what they have to say. Be kind, polite, and interested—then sweep the rug out from under their feet. Any time they express happiness or pride in their mountain town, one up them. “Yeah, the terrain here is okay, but it’s nothing compared to Chamonix.” “You think THIS is snow? Have you ever even been to Japan?” “This place is a hell hole. I don’t know how you live here.”
One easy way to rub salt in the wound is to throw in a casual post-remark, “No offense.”
Trash the Place
Being on vacation officially entitles you to throw away every shred of common sense and decency within your being. Don’t waste your time looking for a trash can—toss it on the ground! Drink ‘til you have to puke, and when you do, be sure to puke directly on a store window. Learn some tips from these guys—they know what’s up.
Announce Yourself
“Do you know who I am?” Those six magic words are the key to getting everything you want. Don’t be afraid to name drop the fact that your neighbor’s sister-in-law’s dad is the guy who runs the mountain… even if it isn’t true.
