You finally got away from it all: camp is set up, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and everything is good in the world. Then, that one jerk shows up and ruins everything. Here are 6 ways a jerk can ruin a campout. Don’t be this jerk.
Asking “Mind if I Camp Here?”
I don’t care if you are afraid of bears, Sasquatch, the boogie man or your wife, you are not setting your tent anywhere near mine. I don’t want to hear you snore, cough, converse or roll over. The sound of a tent zipper in the middle of the night when you go pee is like an alarm clock. I don’t even want to hear if a bear attacks; hopefully he’s no longer hungry after feasting on you anyway. I know I love jerk chicken and jerk pork so hopefully bears love just plain jerk.
Skimping on Food
Some people call camping “pretending to be homeless” which makes it rough enough anyway—but not having any food? Really? Have you ever had a friend show up for a three-day campout packing a pack of hotdogs and a six-pack? I have; once and only once because I’ll never camp with that cheapskate again. Oh and by the way, showing up with just a fishing rod because you’re going to catch your supper is not only overly optimistic—it proves you’re not just an idiot, but soon to be a hungry one.
Blaring that Music
There’s nothing wrong with a little music, especially when having a few drinks, but blasting your tunes for Bambi and everyone else is over the top. I’m real happy you got that new Turtle Shell bluetooth speaker from Outdoor Tech, it is awesome but, enough is enough. Keep it turned down so just the folks who want to hear it do or better yet, try out those awesome Orcas Active Wireless earbuds you just got.
The Pyromaniac
Why is the one guy who doesn’t bring any wood, doesn’t go find any wood, and doesn’t chop any wood always ends up being the one who is constantly throwing wood on the fire until the blaze could melt iron? Bringing, gathering or chopping wood is a team sport. This also is directed at the guy in the next paragraph who gets up early and burns all the wood because, “it gets chilly before the sun comes up.”
Early to Bed, Early to Rise
I don’t care which of these you do, you’re going to piss someone off. It’s fine and dandy to party late but what is your definition of late? As the Talking Heads once sang: “This ain’t no party, this ain’t no disco…” If you must drink late, you can do it without waking up the whole Sherwood Forest. This complaint covers those of you who rise with the sun and start clanging pot and pans, yelling or worse of all: that infernal sound of your tent zipper zipping up and down, then up and down…
Leaving Your Mess for Me
The old adage goes something like, “Take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but footprints.” This goes for you too, pal. I know you’re gone and probably already back at that trash heap you call a home, but now I have to clean up your campsite. I have cleaned beer cans, bean cans, toilet paper rolls, and on my last camp out, dirty diapers left lying all around. And while we’re on the subject of garbage, unless you have a fire burning at about million degrees Fahrenheit, those beer bottles you threw in the fire ring are now just blackened trash that I have to pick up and throw out.
