The Drinking Requirement
A lot of people drink on the course, but we should step it up a bit. If there were a bar at every tee-box things would get way more exciting. Maybe you should have to buy a round if you bogey. Double bogey and it’s shots for everyone.
Let’s Hear Some Chatter Out There
Golf is way too polite. Everyone hushes up when the golfer is shooting; heck even the announcers on TV speak in hushed tones and they’re a mile away in a broadcast booth. How about a little chatter like we were encouraged to do on the baseball diamond in Little League. I can see the crowd around the putting green yelling “Hey Golfer Golfer.” Or how about waving those foam tubes like NBA fans do when the opposing team is shooting a free-throw, but we’ll do it when the golfer is on the tee-box?
The Hazards are Lame
A hazard in golf is a sand trap; really? They should at least fill them with quick sand like you see in the movies. Or better yet, stock crocodiles in the lakes. Sure some courses down south have crocs or gators here and there, but stock ’em and starve ’em. Then make the players retrieve their balls instead of just adding a stroke or two.
Rush the Driver
With a little practice, anyone can hit a decent drive off the tee box. How about doing it while a 300 pound linebacker is rushing towards you with bad intent? If Peyton Manning can sit in the box and calmly let the ball go under pressure, then why can’t Tiger Woods?
Juice up Those Carts
Golf carts are lame. They have governors on them and auto brakes so you can’t really have much fun with them. Hop those things up, give them four-wheel drive and then make the courses more fun to ride on. Heck, let’s go for it and drive ATVs, make the golf path a moto-cross track and add some jumps.
The Old Ladies Have to Go
How can you call it a sport when a little old lady can kick your ass? It’s bad for the sport and wreaks havoc on my ego. The women’s tees have to go. There’s nothing more deflating in sports than hearing a bunch of old women giggling in the clubhouse about their low score; especially when it’s lower than mine. Everybody shoots from the same spot and if you can’t get it on the fairway, you’re out of here; or buying drinks at the next tee.