She packs less clothing than me because, let’s face it, she looks better in less clothing than me. With all the baggage fees these days though, both checked and carry-on, packing for a trip has become an art. Unfortunately, The Wife isn’t very artistic.
The Good Old Days
In PTSA (pre-TSA) days we could go to the tropics, or anywhere warm for that matter with just carry-on bags. That was before you were limited to those quart baggies with a three ounce limit to each container. How the heck did they determine that three ounces or less is no danger, but 4 ounce of shampoo is a terrorist act? Anyway, now that liquids are limited, she always checks a bag just so she can bring all the essentials a woman could ever possibly, under any circumstance need for a lifetime. We may be only going for a week but we have enough lotion, shampoo and whatever else is in that bag that I don’t want to know about to last pretty much forever
Whoever invented the man’s shaving kit should get a Nobel Prize for something or other. This bag has not changed shape or dimensions in generations. My bag looks just like my Dad’s and I’m sure his looks just like his Dad’s. It holds everything a man needs: deodorant a toothbrush and toothpaste, a razor, a small can of shaving cream (another awesome invention), and maybe some aftershave. If I’m traveling without her I throw in a small bottle (3 oz. or less of course) of shampoo and maybe a comb if I remember it.
Her bathroom bag could be a carry-on all by itself. I would list what she puts in there but I don’t know and don’t want to know. I just know it can single-handedly put her check-in bag over the 50 lb. weight limit and incur extra fees.
Then There Are the Shoes
For me: Flip flops, Tennis shoes and maybe dress shoes if we’re going out. If the Tennies are new enough, they can double for dress shoes. For her: where do I start? You have pool shoes, beach shoes, and of course slippers for lounging around the room. We don’t do much lounging around the room but if we do, she has a shoe for it. Then you have to have “Evening” shoes. Did you know women actually match their shoes to their outfit? Of course you didn’t because men don’t wear “Outfits”; we wear pants and a shirt and if our Tennis shoes don’t match, well, who cares.
How Did My Clothes Get So Big?
I’m not sure exactly when it happened but have you noticed the clothes manufacturers have changed their sizes? Yeah, me too. All of a sudden what used to be a medium is now “Large” and Extra-large is now called XXL. Thus happened right around the same time a 34’’ waist size became 36.’’ I think it’s a conspiracy to make us all feel fat and eat yogurt. Anyway, where this fits in is: it explains why my clothes take up so much more space than hers. It seems they did it overnight and yeah, you may be laughing now but it won’t be so funny when you turn fifty and they do it again.
I am an Artist
So, as it turns out, I am the artistic one in the family. On our last trip, when my bag was weighed at the airline check-in counter it came to exactly 49.9 lbs. My fellow travelers gave me a round of applause for that one. Anything adding more than 1/10th of a pound more would have cost $75 in extra fees; good thing I left those dress shoes at home.
It’s Called Teamwork
Since we’re traveling together it doesn’t really matter what goes in which suitcase as long as they both get there and get there under the weight limit for extra fees. It was slightly uncomfortable when my bags were searched in Mexico and her feminine products were right on top but since I’ve made it a point my whole life to never learn what any of that stuff is for, the customs officer was more surprised than me. I haul her feminine products, she hauls my shampoo; it all works out in the end.