There are some things a man just shouldn’t do. Parading around in bra and panties while singing show tunes in front of the mirror comes to mind—or just listening to show tunes at all. When it comes to the world of music, performing some acts is grounds for removal of your man card.
Here are a few signs it’s time to turn yours in.
You Can Name a Taylor Swift Song
Are you and your ex never, ever getting back together? Do you sing about it along with your best gal pal who’s built a career around the musical version of revenge porn? Then you, sir, might as well drive to the nearest sporting goods store and turn in your equipment—you’ve no use for it.
The same goes if you enjoy Disney-esque sing-a-longs with the likes of the Biebs, One Direction, and Nicki Minaj.
You Can’t Start a Fire
Starting a campfire is a part of Manhood 101. We’ve been doing it since our ancestors were beating each other over the heads with wooden clubs—before we could speak, even! If you’ve managed to make it to manhood without learning how to ignite a flame—we’ll blame your dad for that one—how are you ever going to ignite a young lady’s heart?
You Love Sports…Only On TV
Watching your favorite football team great and everything, but if that’s the only recreational activity you partake in, we’re going to need to get you a trainer, stat. Men are meant to be active. We explore, we fight and don’t sit on the sidelines watching other people having all the fun while we get fat.
Get off your ass and go for a bike ride, already.
You Only Drink Craft Beer
Crack open a Budweiser, already. Sure, they’re watered down and taste like a can of slightly salted piss, but real men aren’t picky about what they drink. We’re Americans, and we drink whatever the halftime commercials tell us to.
Just kidding, drink whatever the hell you want—as long as it’s beer. Wine is for women and men who can’t handle whiskey.
You Look At Brand Names When Clothes Shopping
Outside of Eddie Bauer, Outdoor Tech, and clothes you might find at a sporting goods outlet, you shouldn’t be able to identify clothes off the rack. Men don’t pay attention to brands like Gucci and Louis Vuitton—you can’t get muddy in those, so what good are they?
Leave the fancy clothes shopping up to your girlfriend, if you really need something for your next dinner date.
Athletic Women Terrify You
A lot of men seem intimidated by women who loves sports and the outdoors—look at all the slack pro athlete Serene Williams catches. If the thought of a woman dominating you on the court makes you quiver in fear go ahead and hand over your card—you’re still stuck in fifth grade.
There’s nothing more beautiful than a woman who knows how to kick ass and take names.