All the serenity of camping blows away with the wind when “that guy” comes to the campground. That guy is the loud, obnoxious creature that has no sense of space, privacy or ethics. If you do these things, you might be “that guy”.
Set up Camp in the Middle of the Night
Many campgrounds have quiet time ranging from 10pm to 7am. You arrive at 3am, pitching an entertainment tent equipped with a foosball table and battery-operated ice cream machine while yelling at your friend to hammer the stake in the ground. You bring a portable generator and fill up a three-foot high air mattress waking everyone up from his or her sleep. And to top it off, you shine headlights on the grounds because you never heard of a flashlight. You do this because you refuse the easy-pitch tents and can’t live away from your toys for longer than a day.
Build a Lazy Bonfire
Nature provides fire materials, right? The not-so-awesome camper arrives on site already looking around for firewood. Gasoline, kerosene, and moonshine are used to trigger a three-day bonfire, smoking out neighbors and the trees. You walk through nature and grab pine needles, leaves, wood, and maybe a neighbor’s spare log to keep the fire blazing. And for the hell of it, decide to throw in used Dorito bags and beer cans to keep the fire going. You create fires that make Smokey the Bear cringe and Al Gore cry in his sleep.
Peeing Wherever You Please
Some campgrounds do not have designated toilets. When nature is your bathroom, you let your instincts decide where’s best. Next to your tent, next to your neighbor’s tent or, in the nearby lake? Eh, it don’t matter! You drop your drawers anywhere without a care in the world.
Getting High in Nature
Normal people get high with nature’s energy and presence. You can easily piss off campers while igniting the campground’s scent with pot smoke. It gets even more entertaining when parents have to explain to their children that sometimes nature’s grass and pine trees smell funny at night. Stoned out of your mind you decide to have a “Mardi-Grass” party. You cat call the ladies and say, “Hey babe, I’ll give you a pearl necklace for some potato chips.” Glued to a chair with laughter you scream, “Does Pizza Hut deliver out here?” When you run out of lighter fluid, your creative brainpower lights the next joint from the bonfire, near singeing your eyebrows. Nearly hallucinating, all you can think about is food. So you grab grub, leave your trash behind and start practicing your bear calls—because bears know where food is, right?
Slog Hogging the BBQ
Roasting marshmallows and hot dogs are a quintessential camping experience. Not-so-awesome campers eat, sleep, pee and repeat while vacationing in front of the BBQ pit. Pitch a lounge chair and crack open a Budweiser while enjoying breakfast, lunch and dinner at the fire pit. Don’t forget about dessert, no camping experience is complete without smores. You light endless marshmallows on fire and throw the blazing ball of sugar to your friend who’s too drunk to catch it. You stick around the fire until your bladder explodes or until its too cold outside. But, if the fire keeps you warm, and lazy legs can’t walk 300 feet back to the tent, you rough it until the AM and repeat.
Exiting the Same Way You Entered
Nothing pisses off campers more than to exit with the same chaotic tune as you entered. If you really want to push buttons, pull an all nighter shrieking AC/DC and slurring provocative jokes throughout the grounds. Once the first sign of sunrise touches the sky, break down camp during “quiet time” and load the truck while yelling at the wife and kids. Don’t forget the grand finale. Rev the engines a few times and peel out, windows down, firing off a hunting rifle. Oh, and don’t forget to throw your last beer can out of the window. Campsites love litterbugs.
If these aren’t enough ways to completely ruin someone’s weekend, we have six more you should check out!
